


The Meaning of Words.

by superpotterwhorelock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel Week (Supernatural), Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, M/M, Season/Series 15, Spoilers, Supernatural - Freeform, Supernatural100 | Supernatural Drabble Community, Writers of Destiel Discord Weekly Words Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:54:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27412288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superpotterwhorelock/pseuds/superpotterwhorelock
Summary: Dean Winchester has finally saved the world from the biggest bad. Everyone is celebrating, but a major part of Dean's life is missing. He tries to cope with this knowledge before a miracle occurs.
Kudos: 20





	The Meaning of Words.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. I'm writing this at 11 p.m. right after the premiere of *that* episode of season 15, Supernatural. I know there are undeniable plotholes and questions, but this is something that I absolutely needed to get out in order to sleep so please play nice and I hope you enjoy!

Dean watched with a sad smile as Sam hugged Eileen close to his chest. He turned and watched as all around him his found family was reuniting. This was the end of their fight. He was supposed to feel happy, but there was a piece of him that was missing. A piece that made him remain hopeful. He spun in a circle of seemingly endless hugs, alone. He knew that Castiel didn’t go to the same place as the people now returning, so it wasn’t likely that he’d emerge out of the crowds. God had taken those people away. It was The Empty that had taken Cas. Yet, he still felt his heart skip a beat every time he saw someone that might vaguely remind him of his late friend.  
He didn’t tell Sam about what Castiel had said to him. His brother and him had agreed to not keep any more secrets, but this was just something he needed to keep to himself. Still unprocessed, Dean had spent every night since then replaying bits of their final moments together. He didn’t understand how something he watched happen in slow motion could’ve happened so quick that he didn’t have time to react.   
Sam was also one to pry Dean about how he felt. He would try and work out Dean’s reaction towards what Cas had said, and to be honest, he didn’t know how he felt. He just didn’t feel like focusing anymore on the angel than he had to.  
Despite this being the reason he didn’t tell Sammy about their final conversation, he thought about it constantly, nonetheless.   
“I love you” Castiel had said to him. Love. It was such a long word. For being just a word and all. He often found himself wondering what he would say to Cas if the moment had let him. Did he..? Castiel had always been special to Dean, just like his little brother, but Dean allowed himself the knowledge that it had been in a different way. It had felt different than the relationship he had with his brother right from the beginning, but he never knew how to describe it. It had never even occurred to him to use such a word. He cared for Castiel, that much was evident. Whenever he got to thinking about these things-- which was a lot-- he never ended up determining what he would actually respond; his mind always dissociated before he had the chance. Most times he just ended up realizing that he would never know because it would have to be an in the moment thing.  
Sam approached Dean as he was once again absorbed with this relentless train of thought.   
“Hey” he interjected.   
“Hey!” Dean managed a big smile and clapped his brother on the back.   
“I think I’m gonna go home with Eileen. Jack is celebrating with Bobby, Donna, and Charlie. Are you going to join them?”  
“Nah, that’s okay.” Dean said with what he hoped was a casual wave of his hand. “We just saved the freaking world, man. I think I’m just gonna go home.”   
“Okay,” Sam took a deep breath and squinted his eyes before continuing. “Are you sure you’re okay.”  
“Never been better” Dean lied through his teeth.   
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.  
“Here, why don’t you take Baby for the night. Treat her nice.”  
“Dean . . .” Sam started, He was interrupted by the elder holding up his hand.  
“Sammy, I’m fine. We just saved this world, I just want to relish in it for a bit. I promise. Here, take the keys.”   
Hesitantly, Sam took them before breaking out into a big smile.   
“Okay,” then more confidently: “Okay! See you tomorrow!” He jogged away to rejoin Eileen, who was waiting expectantly. She raised a hand in greeting to Dean, and he raised his own in return.   
The real reason he gave his brother the keys was because he couldn’t be in his beloved car anymore without looking at the passenger seat and remembering their final ride they took in the very same car.  
“I’ll go with you, Dean.” That’s what he had said. Dean couldn’t help but wonder if Castiel knew right from that moment what was going to happen.   
He shoved his hands deep in his jacket pockets and turned, his thoughts focused on just returning to the bunker and having a drink before bed. A hand on his shoulder stopped him from moving. His heart leapt into his throat, even though the touch was unmistakably feminine. Spinning back around, Dean found himself face to face with Amara.  
“You did it, Dean. You saved the world.” She said it with a contented smile played out on her face. He tried to play the part of a cheeky hero.  
“Yeah, well . . .” his half smile wasn’t very convincing; he tried to think of what to say after that, but his mind was blank.   
“You saved me, and I’ll never be able to thank you for that.” She leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Dean closed his eyes, his heart breaking all over again for some reason. There might’ve been some reality, some future where him and Amara could’ve been together-- their interwoven paths evident-- , but right then, right at that moment, was not it.   
Amara leaned back and studied him quizzically.   
“You know, Dean. I think we can read each other pretty well now. I know what you’re feeling.”  
“Thanks, but you have no frickin idea.”   
“Maybe,” Amara said as she turned to go. “Oh . . .”   
She paused in the middle of her movement. “I’m sorry to hear about Castiel. I know how good of friends you guys were.”   
It was Dean’s turn to walk away, his thoughts returning to just getting drunk. Something he thought was very well deserved.   
“Finally, there’s a perfect balance” Amara continued, her right side facing Dean’s back. “Light and Dark, coexisting together for these worlds. Just two words really. Light and dark. The darkness. They’re more like adjectives than anything else. Funny, how emptiness and darkness are so often paired together.”  
Dean stopped walking, his head which was looking at the ground now upright as he stood with his back still facing Amara.   
“You saved me, Dean. Like I said. I’ll never be able to thank you to the extent I want, but just remember that I have friends in low places.” With that she finished turning and walked off, leaving Dean alone with his thoughts.   
He spun in rapid circles, suddenly getting tunnel vision. Once he calmed down and his head stopped whipping every which way he realized he didn’t actually know what Amara meant; he had only heard what he wanted to hear.   
A minute later he was walking down the road. The chatter and excitement and love was far behind him now. A slight fog was rolling in and he breathed in deep. The cool air felt good in his lungs. He hadn’t realized that all the emotion of the place he just left was stifling him.   
He was halfway home when he heard something. A sort of swoosh behind him. A noise so insignificant that he didn’t stop walking to check out what it might’ve been. Most likely just the wind. Then. The gruffest voice he’s ever heard let out the softest “Dean?”  
Tears welled up in his eyes before he even turned around.   
Slow, his heart beat harder with every second, he turned.   
“Dean, it’s okay. It’s real.”   
The tears that had gathered were now openly flowing down his face now.  
Castiel was standing before him. It was really him.   
“I’m . . I’m not sure how this is possible? Something about Amara?-- What about Chuck? Where is he?”   
Instead of answering Dean just stormed forward and wrapped his friend into a hug, hitting his back with a closed fist and burying his face into Cas’s neck.  
Castiel seemed to melt into him, returning the hug. When Dean finally pulled back, Cas had tears in his eyes as well. It was the only the second time Dean had seen him cry.   
“Dean, I . . .”  
“No. No, Cas, don’t” Dean cut him off, shaking his head.   
The two stared at each other, the tension evident.  
“I . . .” began Dean. He cleared his throat. “I’ve uh, I’ve thought a lot about what you said.”  
“I’m sorry if I crossed a line, I--” he was cut off again by the Winchester shaking his head.  
“You don’t ever-- ever” he made eye contact with the second ever. “Have to apologize for how you feel, Cas. Like I said, I haven’t stopped thinking about what you said. I don’t know what would’ve happened if The Empty didn’t . . . take you right after that. I’m just. I’m just so confused. Or. I was so confused. But.” He looked up and met the angelic eyes again. They were soft, and beautifully sad.   
“But, now I’m not. I love you, Cas. I’m pretty sure I have from the start. I never really knew it, or at least I could never admit it to myself, but you gave me this strength.” He laughed, tears running down his face, as he said it again. “I love you.”  
Castiel let out a sob, but it was more like a sob of relief. They stepped closer towards each other. Dean reached out and took Cas’s face in his hands. His fingers were gripped loosely behind Castiel’s ears as he pulled him forward and kissed him.   
It made the bottom of his stomach feel like it gave out, that kiss. The adrenaline coursed through him as he pursued the kissing. Dean’s thumb stroked the stubby hair on the angels face, but it didn’t bother him. They broke apart, just a little, and Cas pressed his forehead against Dean’s as they both let out breathy nervous laughs.   
“I love you, too, Dean.” Castiel whispered.   
As they kissed again, Dean was beaming. He thought about this beautiful world he had just saved, and he thought about different words and what they actually meant. He thought that love was a pretty wonderful word.


End file.
